Sexy is for Everybody

So you guys were all “SIFE show us where to get female friendly couples porn.” And then I was like “X-ART.” And then you were like “Prove it.” And then I was like “here:”

X-Art – California Dreams brought to you by PornHub
From X-Art

The most common question I get is: where do I find good boy-girl porn that’s tasteful, romantic and where the men are actually attractive.  My response for the longest time was…hell if I know but if you find it please tell me.  The closest we got really was straight sex being filmed for gay men, yes that’s a thing, where you’d find attractive men but still not much more intimacy.

All the great, intimate, high production value porn was focusing on lesbian porn.  Viv Thomas would do some great boy-girl scenes but they didn’t FEEL quite real because, let’s face it, Viv Thomas has never met a cheesy set he didn’t like.  And then these gifs started showing up on Tumblr.  Below the cut for people fuckin’

Clue’s in the name really, the best BDSM porn is at Kink. Kink is really an umbrella site for many smaller sub-sites that focus on most of the popular BDSM scenes.  What sets Kink apart though are a few things:

• High production values
• Authentically kinky staff/directors/actors who are active in the BSDM community and understand the scene
• Ethics

Kink is one of our ethnical porn sites for a reason.  They emphasize education, community building, safe sex and safe BDSM play and are very active in promoting sex positivity. They’re an all around fabulous company.  Under the cut we’ll talk about some of their most popular sites to wet your whistle in a choose your own adventure kind of way.

Cris Cleen is an enormously talented tattoo artist who’s work explores classic American tattooing and erotica.  He was gracious enough to give us his time to discuss images of women in tattooing and his own images of female sexuality.  For those interested in learning more about him and his work please visit his site.

Cris Cleen Works from Cris Cleen on Vimeo.

So, the reason I thought this would be such an interesting interview is because of how much your work subtly diverges from traditional images of women in tattooing.  I think, because tattooing has been male dominated for so long, a lot of the classic images and tropes of women are all about how men experience them and are often dehumanizing.  Namely images of women as long-suffering mothers, mere ornamentation or as improbably proportioned vacant lust objects.  In contrast the women in your work seem fully fleshed out, intelligent, fully incorporated into the narrative and always powerful.   How do you think your work fits into, or subverts, some of those tropes?

I don’t know that I try to other than my own view of women. I worship them. Or obsesses, however you want to look at it! I don’t want to change the paradigm of tattoo history because in a lot of ways, love the traditional tattoo art is to view women as objects of desire and fascination. I think most of the time, the lack of quality of drawn women now are in reference to old flash from artists that weren’t that good at drawing them. I think the male driven desire is ok with me but their likeness still deserves respect and care. If your going to look at it forever, she needs to beautiful in every situation you’ll put her in.

Similarly, images of male sexuality are fairly common but intelligent images of female sexuality are far more rare. What elements of female sexuality, or sexual expression, do you find interesting to revisit and explore?

Well, I only know male sexuality because that is the only thing I can say from the heart. However, I like the idea of my own art to show desire from different perspectives. But a women in control, is still in turn, my sexuality. Women faced with temptation, lust is her perspective but still my own.

Something I see in a lot of your paintings are images of women receiving oral sex, masturbating or being otherwise sexually pleasured.  How do you make them real narratives and representations of sexuality rather than just immature titillation? And why do you choose to examine women’s sexual gratification?

Its all about titillation. That’s what tattoo art is and should be. It used to be. Images a hundred years ago were very sexual and I think it occurred to me that maybe people now can and hopefully will handle seeing those ideas magnified a bit more. A tattoo has to strike in a second straight to the heart. So that very much is what I do in paintings also. I usually have to explore it in painting more because I can do it more often than people will get it on their body. I’m not interested in having the two be separate.

The images of women receiving pleasure are my desire so I dont think I’m trying to make them represent anything more substantial in any other world than this. If they speak to others, then we are in perfect harmony.

The femme fatale also seems to be a prevalent theme, in your paintings especially, am I just reading into it or is there something about that image you find compelling?

Well, she is in control, even in those situations. Its not the devil that is getting to her, she’s getting to him.

Similarly, there are elements that consistently make reappearances in your work like snakes, uniforms, roses, erections, butterflies and even references to classic goth music and the new romantics.  Why do these images speak to you so much and what do you think they convey in your work?

I’m sure I don’t have to explain how powerful a snake can be. Those elements convey the ideas and mystery the fastest and easiest. Plus the idea of showing organic things that don’t normally live in harmony in our world can on paper. It also can show that the creatures are not separate but lust for the same things

When you work in such a distinct style, how do you balance your own ideas with what a client wants?

I don’t very much. I try to draw and paint and produce as much as possible so that I can put out ideas I want to do and hope people will only approach me wanting them as I have done them or will do them. With the internet the way it is, you not only don’t have to tell people what you’re interested in doing but you can also only give those pieces out there as your menu of what you do. Not everyone has to work together because they find themselves in the same room. So I assume people find me to do something they know I would be into and put the most heart into.

How has tattooing, and the inherent challenges of working on skin, changed your work if at all?

I developed the work to be tattoos. There are some things you can do on paper that are harder to translate to skin but I wasn’t an artist really before the tattoos.

Related to tattooing v. fine art, I feel like people have this image of tattooing, still, as this very disreputable back-alley kind of thing no serious artist should want to stay in.  If, given your druthers, you could paint all day would you still tattoo?

Well, I wish it was still viewed that way but it really isn’t anymore. Tattooing has gotten to be so close to fine art and capitalized by so many people who have never had to deal with anything back alley that its pushed tattooing into a cold stiff product that is often treated as disposable as the rapidly phased out iPhone. If you want to be what most people consider a fine artist than you know that tattooing isn’t the best route to take. I got into tattooing to do just that, not to use it as a stepping stone to something else like some rag-to-riches fairy tale. If I was a millionaire, sure I would retire that part of life that has that level of responsibility to the flesh. If I did stop, I dont know that I would be motivated the same artistically to do something I think people should wear and do it only on paper.

 What about tattooing appeals to you as a medium?

Everything that it is.  You have to wear it. people’s desire to be bold and change something about their body forever. Speak their message so permanently. The ideas I have aren’t to make a statement in the art world, but to be on a walking person who matches their clothes to it and comes with them into the shower. Into the grave.

One thing, as a woman, I find incredibly problematic are male tattooers who make sexual comments about their female clients and their bodies either to their face or amongst each other after they leave. This scene has become almost inevitable in every horrible tattooing reality show. However, in the real world that makes a lot of women reluctant to be tattooed by a man in an intimate area.  As a male artist what are your views, and how do you ensure a comfortable, professional setting for clients?

If you want insurance, you have to meet me and interact for yourself. I dont sell insurance.  I respect the image but it has to be applied by a human so if someone isn’t comfortable with their intimate spots in a place that does tattoos, then I recommend the person wait until they are. Tattoo shops apply work to all types of the body on every type of body.

Tattoo reality shows are not reality.

Finally, oddly, everyone begged me to ask this question: can you tattoo over a scar?  

It depends on the scar. I mostly specialize in those of the heart.

Cris Cleen tattoos at Saved in New York

How is this week still going? Yes, the treat is porn

Full video on Abby Winters

Look, when someone offers you a sex toy from Sweden to review you don’t say no.  This is the nation after all that gave us Alexander Skarsgard and Prince Carl Philip

They’re not bluffin’ with their tekaka is what I’m saying.

Now at first I read the box and thought “huh? Who needs 12 speed/vibration patterns?”  Well, as it turns out, me I am that person.  The patterns here are really one of the major selling points, most toys have the same vibration patterns that are kinda meh: fast-fast-slow, slow-slow-fast, peaks and valleys, and random vibration.  I can’t even identify what all the vibration patterns were but it’s virtually impossible with this many options you won’t find one that suits you.

The other huge selling point for me is that the clitoral vibe is long and flexible enough that it can accomodate different bodies.  The major disadvantage of the classic rabbit vibe is often the ears would hit you in a weird spot, overshoot or not hit your clit and totally thwart the purpose.  The Kaya makes it very easy to get things where you need them.

Now, unfortunately, with so much going for it it’s not all sunshine and roses.  Opening and closing the bottom part where the batteries go is not easy.  It has to be lined up just right and the directions don’t really spell it out.  It took a lot of frustrated attempts before getting it right.  Also, the controls are on the bottom of the vibe.  This makes it very difficult to change speeds or patterns once you get going because you’re flying blind and just jabbing your fingers at random buttons hoping you get the right one.  For a $89 toy that’s a major annoyance.  On the other hand we might have just gotten spoiled by toys with remotes.  Seriously toy makers remotes are a really good idea!

So, it’s a great toy that will work with a lot of body types, is virtually silent and is waterproof.  To me that’s worth the $89 but it’s not perfect.  If you can deal with some minor frustration changing the batteries and awkwardly working by feel changing the patterns it’s pretty hard to go wrong with the Kaya.

Kaya Rabbit $89 at Babeland or Picobong

FTC Disclaimer: product offered by review by picobong.  No compensation was given for this review nor did receipt of PR materials and samples effect this review in any way.

Here at SIFE we get sent A LOT of films to review.  Surprisingly, most of it is good. I put this down to working with good people like Madison Young, Good Vibes and Babeland who have only the highest of porn standards.  So with that in mind, these are some of the best films we’ve seen for real, honest, hot lesbian sex:

Lucky

Award-winning director Madison Young follows the bright lights to Las Vegas – the city of chance, where a roll of the dice can leave you with a lady on each arm. Curvaceous Sarah Blake, a redhead with a sweet and kinky appetite for sex, welcomes Madison with a cheap motel, clean sheets and a dirty-girl orgasms, make-out sessions, foot jobs and a lots of oral titillation! Scarlett Chaos and Kimberly Cline explode in orgasms as, restrained with stockings and using role play games, fingers, mouths and a handful of toys, they push each other to the edge. Akira Raine and Casey Grety are getting ready for the awards show, but get sidetracked with some very wet action in the shower. Madison Young and Dylan Ryan attempt to satiate their never-ending sexual hunger but keep getting interrupted by wild parties and decadent sexual adventures in this city of Sin. Will the two of them find the satisfying intimate moment they are searching for? Roll the dice to see what sexual delights their – and your – destiny holds.

Brett and Melanie

If you love sex but aren’t so sure about porn, you must discover the award-winning work of Tony Comstock! His real-couple-based movies are erotic, intimate, and powerful — we love them! Comstock Films’ latest showcases the butch/femme dance between Brett and Melanie: in bed and out, their relationship explores strength, vulnerability, nurture, love and passion. Hear them talk with warmth, humor and perspective about the awakening of their sexual identities, their story of falling in love, and candid insights about their relationship. Explicit lovemaking footage is shot on film!

Tight Places: A Drop of Color

You’ll rarely find porn that’s as hot, smart, thoughtful, and self-reflective as Tight Places. In this decidedly queer DVD, six scenes (between four performers of color) feature a lovely mix of spanking, blow jobs, squirting, masturbation, and light BDSM. Finally, this great DVD includes discussion of the scenes, the performers’ gender identities, the lack of women of color in queer porn, and the marginalized representation in mainstream porn by performers of color. We couldn’t agree more that it’s high time these topics were addressed (and we’re certainly not complaining that they’re being discussed against the backdrop of such amazing sexual chemistry!).

The Crash Pad

The Crash Pad has generating mega-buzz among staff and viewers alike for the hot, dirty, and chemistry-loaded sex. Lucky San Franciscans are given a key to an apartment that serves as a venue for wild sexual encounters. Many of the performers in this queer-oriented film are lovers in real life as well, and they don’t hold back in demonstrating their attraction and pleasure. Includes masturbation, strap-on sucking and fucking, and ejaculation.

I know many of you will be surprised I didn’t turn this one over to Krista, but that woman is BUSY and I got this!  So, recently I’ve been hearing your plaintive refrain more and more “Lupe where do I find good lesbian/girl-girl porn?”  Ahhhh my little sugar cookies, it’s a tough one huh?  Most girl love porn is made for men and their (usually absurd) fantasy of what gay sex is like.  You know exactly what I’m talking about here: the porn nails that would rip a vag to ribbons, while two super models with glazed eyes half-heartedly paw one another.  NOT HOT!

Under the cut are our picks for best lezzie loving!  Including clips, OH YEAH WE WENT THERE.  Please be warned however the clip from Kink features BDSM and may be triggering for some.

Recently I was browsing Pinterest when I came across this pin. It reads “If Cinderella can get her Prince Charming without taking off her dress, then so can you.” At first this message doesn’t seem troublesome. In fact some may even see it as inspirational. After all, if there’s one message we should be sending to young women it’s that they shouldn’t have to engage in anything that they aren’t ready for just to win the short-lived affection of a boy. But what this pin, and almost all of popular culture, fails to acknowledge is that (surprise!) sometimes Cinderella aka your little princess aka your teenage daughter actually wants to take off her clothes. In fact she probably wants to do a lot more than just taking off her clothes.

Messages like this reinforce the sad old trope that women, especially young teenage women, are completely devoid of sexuality and have no sexual urges whatsoever. And if they do engage in sexual activity it’s only because they have been pressured into it and they probably spend the entire time wishing that their partner would just hurry up and get it over with already.

As if this “pin” wasn’t bad enough, I recently watched a clip of ABC’s Nightline, which featured an interview with James Deen, my pornstar crush. The gist of the story was that James Deen, with his boy next door looks, is luring teenage girls into watching porn. Seriously. Never mind that these girls were probably already searching for porn when they just happened to come across his work. Nope, the whole point of the story was that if it weren’t for him, these underage girls wouldn’t be so into porn. Just sit and let that idea marinate for a little while. And now, imagine if the genders in this story had been reversed. Do you honestly think that we will ever see a story about the horrifying trend of underage teenage boys watching porn? No, we won’t. Because it’s expected. Because teenage boys are supposed to be horny and want to find material to watch while masturbating. But girls don’t do that because they are all pure little virgins who have no sexual urges. Once again, we are being inundated with the idea that women do not have any sexual urges and are instead coerced into having sex.

This couldn’t be further from the truth. To go by my own experience, the first time I had an orgasm I was 15 and my boyfriend at the time was performing oral sex on me. We were slowly working our way through various sexual acts, starting with kissing, then fondling, then heavy petting, oral sex and finally good old-fashioned p in v intercourse. I’ll admit that I was slightly nervous before some of our experiences but that nervousness was outweighed by the exhilaration and pure pleasure that I got from each experience. More importantly I was in complete control over what happened. We moved slowly and took our time exploring each other’s bodies. By the time we finally had sex (after a lot of thought and consideration) I felt completely prepared and as a result, losing my virginity was a positive and joyful experience. I count myself as very lucky to have had this experience. After all, teenage sex is often intimidating and awkward. But if there is one thing we owe to young women it’s this: we need to stop pretending that teenage boys are sex crazed horndogs while teenage girls are little more than gatekeepers who must keep them at bay. We need to let them know that yes, it is totally normal to have sexual urges and no, it doesn’t make you a “slut” (that’s a whole other topic unto itself). We need to encourage young girls to explore their sexuality and let them know that as long as everything they do is safe, sensible and consensual it’s okay.

As a result of enduring many a long-distance relationship, my own vanity, and lack of good judgment I have done a lot of homemade “glamor shoots.”  By which I mean there are a lot of men out there with photos of my boobs.  My boobs are awesome and must be seen.  Deal with it!

Because of my past I am now the Hugh Hefnor, or Bunny Yeager, of homemade cheesecake and it has come to my attention that many of you are struggling.  Come, friend, let me teach you!